2010- Year in Review

It's hard to believe that it's the last day of 2010. This has been a wonderful and incredibly challenging year for me as an artist, as a friend, as a wife and as a human being in general. I've learned and experienced a lot and, barring any incidents today/tonight (knock on wood!), it's been a year without loss of anyone in my family! Woo hooo!!!

So, let's recap the year, shall we?? It was a LOT less insane than 2009 was, that's for sure! I don't think I could have handled another year like that, and I certainly would be divorced by now if I'd tried.

January: Show Boat in Concert

Role: Ensemble

Company: Lyric Stage
Read the Review

Read my Recap

May: Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
Role: Muriel Eubanks
Company: Music Theatre of Denton
Read the Review
Read Another Review
Read my Recap

June: Encore III –The Divas!
Role: Director and Performer
Company: Denton Community Theatre
Read my Recap

August: The Producers!
Role: Ulla
Company: Denton Community Theatre
Read the Review
Read my Recap

I'd say that was a much more manageable year, wouldn't you?? I also kept most of my sanity this time and was able to focus on some Very Important Things such as my very best friend in the whole world getting married:

...and walking 60 miles in the Dallas 3-Day Walk for the Cure:

I also wrote the following reviews for John Garica's The Column before I resigned from that post:

Women and Wallace at Sundown Collaborative Theatre

Tuna Does Vegas at Casa Manana

24 Hours of Love at MBS Productions

La Llorona at Amphibian Stage Productions

Getting Sara Married at Runway Theatre

Again, not nearly as busy a year for me. Last year I wrote 11 reviews! So, 2010 was definitely a lot less insane, but because of that, it was also a lot more fulfilling. The projects I did meant so much to me and they are so special to me (not to take anything away from the wonderful experiences I had in 2009 of course) because I was able to take the time over this recent 4 month break and really reflect on them as landmarks in this year. Rather than a blur of images that I have from 2009, each show I did in 2010 stands out clearly.

I also went through some very major physical changes this year that have boosted my confidence so much that I enjoyed that time onstage so much more because I felt better about myself and I was able to do more and have more energy than I have in previous shows.

2010 was also the year that I had a spiritual re-awakening that caused me to even question what I should be doing artistically. I still don't know...in case you were wondering.

However, I do know that I've learned a lot about what I need to focus on (God, family, work) and that I am going to be a lot choosier about shows; picking of projects are going to mean the most to me and challenge me as a performer.

I'd really like to work with some different theatre companies in 2010 and add a non-musical or two to my resume. I've been to four non-musical auditions in the past two months (though I sang at 2 of them, funny enough) and I have already learned so much about what I need to do to improve. I haven't been blogging about these auditions because...well, I'm a little superstitious and don't ever want to jinx them and also...because I know that these auditions aren't always going to result in a role and I don't want to just blog about each audition/possible rejection. That's just boring, so I'll just save that kind of talk for my husband and close friends. You're welcome!

Finally...I've been hesitating about writing this next part for a few days now, actually, but I really feel like I want to share the biggest artistic discovery I've made this year. I am well aware that this is my own personal opinion, and you should treat it as such.

It really does not matter "who you know" as much as people think it does. "Networking" will only take you so far if you don't have the talent and the work ethic to back up all your "connections in the business."

No, that doesn't mean that meeting people in the field isn't important. No, that doesn't mean that you can just say or do anything you want because you don't care whom you offend. It's very important to meet other people in the biz because they are your future colleagues. But it's just more important, I feel, to show those colleagues that you deserve to be there because you are talented and you work hard and your behavior is above reproach. I've grown so weary of all the fake friendships and the walking on eggshells that so many people do around people who do not matter in the grand scheme of things.

In a nutshell: Don't burn bridges...but also don't worry about the ones that lead nowhere. Consider if the bridge you're working so hard to build and maintain is worth the effort and energy. Don't spend so much time looking at what's on the other side of that bridge that you are completely disregarding all the awesome things that are right next to you.

Is the bridge metaphor getting confusing? I'll be clearer: don't say no to projects because you're afraid of what other people will think -- if it's going to challenge and fulfill you artistically: do it. Don't spend hours and days and pieces of your soul keeping people happy who wouldn't do the same for you if it were asked of them, and especially don't do that if it means you're missing completely awesome friendships and relationships that are right in front of your face and so much easier to maintain.

Okay, I'm officially getting off my soap box now! Cheers to an incredible 2010, and here's to an amazing 2011!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Sappy Re-Cappy Time

Another show is in the byukes...I mean, the books...




...a show that may have just topped all other show experiences I've had so far.

...the material was priceless.

...the cast was gorgeous, amazing, hysterical, talented, fun...

....the audiences LOVED it, and there isn't much better than playing for a crowd roaring with laughter.

...I learned some amazing things about myself and my confidence, and have so much gratitude for the supportive and edifying cast I was surrounded by.

...new and lasting friendships were created, and current friendships were strengthened.

...once again I was blessed with an absolutely DARLING co-star who is talented, funny, giving, and an absolute dream to work with.

....how often do you get to wear THESE kinds of costumes?

There's a part of me that genuinely wants to send a thank you note to every audience member – whether they be friend, family member or stranger – who came to see this show and helped make this one of my favorite show to date.

I know. I say that about all of them, right? Well, in my defense, it's not once been a lie.

If the shows I do and the casts I'm lucky enough to be onstage with keep one-upping each other like this, I don't think I'll be able to handle much more. My heart will just explode. Melodramatic? Maybe. But consider the source. :)

I honestly don't even know what to say....the words just aren't enough to explain what this was like. The book and the music that Mel Brooks came up with for this show are just SO freaking funny, and it was so invigorating to get to perform it onstage every night and have to just stand there and wait to say the next line while the audience doubled over laughing.

Working with tremendously talented and funny people...the ones who can stand there and look at you straight-faced while you try not to crack up onstage...is one of the best, most fun feelings in the world.

Hearing the audience crack up even more when you can't keep a straight face comes in as a close second.

I wish I could write something special to each and every cast member as well....because there wasn't ONE of them that didn't lift me up in one way or another every single night with kind words, a smack on the ass, a hug, making me laugh, etc. That's not an exaggeration, either.

After our last performance this past Sunday, I couldn't stop crying. It's not unusual for me to cry on the last day of a production's run. Of course I'm sad to see it end. I HATE striking the set immediately and systematically tearing down all of the physical aspects of the production so quickly. I both love and dread the cast dinner afterwards, because I know that I won't for sure see everyone again the next Thursday in preparation for another weekend of shows.

However, this was a whole new emotional level for me. Playing Ulla....wow. What a fun character that Swedish gal is. I had a few people who know the show well tell me that I "made her a different character" than they had seen previously, and that they liked the choices I made.

I feel like, since I am not the stereotypical Ulla, I was given the opportunity to tear down some pre-existing notions of what she should be like and how she should be played, and bring her down to earth (though still floating somewhere up in the air, I mean....she's not a rocket scientist) and make my own character. Our lone review of the show called her "the adorable blonde bombshell next door," which just made me feel good all over.

Yes, I had one minor meltdown when buying all the spandex accoutrements necessary for Ulla, but after that? Forget it. I got out there every night and sang "When You've Got it, Flaunt it!" and I meant every word of it. I felt good. I felt strong and sexy and better than I can remember feeling about myself in years.

I cried on Sunday because of how far I've come. I never would've played Ulla six months ago. Hell, I may never play her again. But I did it. I earned it. I busted my butt, I sweated in the gym, I did the lunges and lifted the weights and cursed at the elliptical machine, and I did it.

The reward has been incredible. Something I can't even describe because it's so personal to me. That feeling is such a high that I was heartbroken to say goodbye to Ulla. But a part of her will always be inside me, and as long as I keep working hard and reaching towards my goal, she'll always be there as a reminder of the rewards of my hard work.

Also....I learned a lot and remembered a lot of things about myself in this process. I was reminded, thanks to a completely drama-free cast, that we do theatre because we love it. Not because we get some stupid Column award nominations or reviews or critical acclaim. But because we love being onstage and creating something that others can enjoy and escape into for a few hours in a dark theatre. A place where people can laugh until they cry, and where we can use the talents we've been so blessed with.

I've also...and this will be the subject of another blog for another day, I think, thanks to the length of this one...started going back to church with my husband, thanks to an invitation weeks ago from my dear "Leo." My heart has been so full ever since we've been going, and I just didn't even realize how much I've missed that as a part of my life until we went back. I've been given a very large and very important reminder that all things do happen for a reason, and I wouldn't (and shouldn't) be doing any of this if not for the grace of God.

As our director reminded us each evening, "Your talent is your gift from God, and how you use that talent is your gift back to Him."

I'm tired of all the "business" of this business, and I'm tired of caring what the theatre community at-large may or may not think. I do this for the love of it and for the relationships that I am blessed with as a result of each show, and to use the gifts that I've been given.

The post-show blues for this one are deep, but it's the best kind of blues I think I could ever have. Because these people aren't going anywhere. They're my friends. They are a part of my family....an ever-growing family of crazies that all do this and get exhausted and spend night after night at late rehearsals and long dance calls. Family who understands that complaining about it doesn't mean we hate it --- but just the opposite. There's no people like show people, and I love them! :)

And until our reunion(s) -- because if I know this group, we won't be able to stay away from each other for long -- I'll miss you all terribly!

I Wanna Be a Producer

The marquee at the Campus Theatre

It's almost that time again! One week from today, I'll open the next show...the hilarious Mel Brooks musical The Producers.

Tyler Lohr as Leo Bloom, Mandy Rausch as Ulla

This show will go down in my own personal history as a really big step in my progress towards becoming a healthier, more fit ME and as a result, a more confident person as a whole.

6 months and 30 pounds ago, I never would've gotten this role. I'm still battling the "old Mandy" inside my head as I go to costume fittings and step onto the stage and put on the persona of a character who causes every (straight) male character's jaws to drop to the floor.

I'm not gonna lie...this process has been one mental struggle after another. My biggest enemy has been myself, and I can be a stubborn pain in the ass. ;) The thing that's really interesting about this whole process has been that I've noticed myself NOT promoting the show as much as I normally would to my friends and family. When friends asked me what I'm rehearsing for, I would quickly answer "Producers" and then change the subject because I genuinely feared the reaction I would get when I answered the inevitable next question of "Which role are you?" If I wasn't able to avoid the question, I'd mumble "....Ulla" rather than stepping up and OWNING that shit.

Then came the inevitable meltdown when "old Mandy" took over in the poorly lit dressing room of a dance store where I went to buy my tights and leotard and VERY SHORT black shorts for the show. I felt sick to my stomach and embarrassed at myself for even auditioning. It was not a good night.

The next day, I emailed one of my best friends and just spilled my guts out to her and said everything you're not supposed to say because it's obnoxious and sounds like you're fishing for compliments. But that's what friends are for, right? She pointed out some things to me that I knew, but needed to be reminded of:

* I have come a LONG way. No matter what, I need to remember that and be proud of the body I have now. It's not perfect, and who the hell knows what a "perfect" body is anyway?

* NOWHERE in the script does it say that Ulla needs to be "tall" or "thin." The only thing it says in the script description of her is that she is "Swedish" and "very beautiful." Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I think I can pull off "Swedish and beautiful" with the right wig and makeup. ;)

* I am working with an incredible cast, and as long as I sell it and Max and Leo sell it (and Sean and Tyler are just making me feel like a million bucks every night), the audience will buy it.

So I got over myself (mostly) and started thinking, "You know what? I will own this. I'll probably never play this role again in my life, but that's what's so great about doing community theatre sometimes. Because of the limitations and the crappy pay (haha), we get LOTS of opportunities to play roles we may never get in the 'real theatre world.'"

Ulla's song is called "When You've Got it, Flaunt it." I may not have what everyone else thinks, but does that really matter?? No. It's my job to take what I do have, and flaunt the HELL out of it. And I damn sure will do that.