I Feel Pretty

The theatre world is filled with some of the most insecure people I have ever met in my life. It doesn’t make sense, does it? These people go out in front of anywhere from dozens to thousands of strangers and bare their souls and talents on a stage! But it’s true, at least in my limited experience.

Some people are obvious about it, and in an obnoxious way. I swear if I hear one more 5’9” dancer who weighs 110 lbs soaking wet say, “God my thighs are huge,” while standing in front of the mirror, I will take off my one of my character shoes and aim it forcefully at her protruding rib cage. Others aren’t quite as obvious about their insecurities, but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist – it just means they’ve learned to hide them or, at the very least, shut up about them in social settings.

Why, as performers, do we do this? Do we honestly just need the constant validation from others? Is it because the industry really is that cutthroat and we feel like we need reassurance or, in worst cases, to go to extreme measures to ensure future casting and hiring? Or have we just gotten into the habit of obnoxiously fishing out compliments and waving away the ones that are volunteered with a sarcastic or self-deprecating comment?

I was speaking with a friend today (we’ll call her Josephine to protect the innocence) about upcoming auditions and what we hope to do this spring and summer. We marveled at our completely opposite audition fears: she quakes at the singing part and flies through cold-readings with ease; I will sing my heart out confidently, but I break into hives at the thought of cold readings.

Then the conversation took a turn when Josephine said, “You know what’s sad? I’d audition for a lot more if I weren’t so insecure. For example, I almost auditioned for _______, but the most age-appropriate character’s description said: ‘a beautiful woman.’ So I didn’t go.” Of course, as her friend, I chided her and told her she’s nuts. But the truth is I’m just as guilty of doing the same type of thing.

No matter what my talent level is, no matter how interesting or lovely the timbre of my singing voice, no matter how energetic I feel my stage presence may be, the reality is the same: I am a dime a dozen in the theatre world, and I’m very aware of it. It’s my job to find a certain something about myself that will make me stand out at a cattle call or open audition, yes, but sometimes the director wants a certain look/height/type/voice/weight. Or the script just calls for it and that’s just the way it is. Let me give an example.

(Okay, so this blog ended up going in a totally different direction than what I originally intended, but I’m okay with that. I’m just gonna go with it.)

Recently I was in a production of Chicago, and I played Matron “Mama” Morton. Any female who auditions for that show will naturally want to play Roxie, Velma, or one of the six Merry Murderesses. At first glance, they’re the obvious choices. They’re lead or featured roles, and they get to dance their butts off and have a lot of fun, right? Of course! However, the reality is, if you line up ten equally talented singers and actresses and dancers, eventually you have to narrow it down and be true to the style of the piece and the nature of beast that is Fosse choreography. Even if I can do some fierce [insert difficult dance move here], if I’m 5’3” and weigh….what I weigh…I’m not going to be chosen for one of these roles.

I actually spoke to my director of Chicago about this on a break one evening during rehearsal. There was a very large (no pun intended) turnout at auditions for this production. It turns out that many women turned down callbacks or roles offered because they only wanted to play one of the two leads. I asked him how they narrowed it down, and he was kind enough to be completely honest with me. He said something akin to (and I’m paraphrasing), “As someone who has struggled with weight issues, I would never automatically rule out a talented woman based on her size. However. The Fosse style of dance requires certain lines and angles of the body can only be affectively achieved by certain body types.” There you go. Like it or not, sometimes body type is a major factor.

Sometimes it’s not only about weight. If I’m 5’3” and can belt my face off or float a soaring high B-flat with ease and the director thinks I’m adorable? Great! But…none of that will matter if the very best option for a leading man is 6’3”, and that role carries the weight of the show (again…no pun intended).

What I’m trying to say is this: while I know there are exceptions all over the place to this rule, the fact of the matter is that not being hired or cast is not a reflection of your talent, or lack thereof. It’s a sad truth that looks do matter, but does that mean you should stop auditioning? No, of course not. It just means that you have to find your strengths, broaden your horizons, and stretch your abilities. But for Pete’s sake (and the sake of others around you), stop complaining or making excuses or fishing for compliments when things aren’t going the way you want them to.

Also, learn to find the fun in featured roles. I played three in 2009, and they were more fun than any leading role I’ve had. Stop thinking that you only matter if you’re playing a leading role.

Finally, whatever you do, do not change yourself for auditions by losing or gaining drastic amounts of weight, dyeing or cutting your hair, etc. in the hopes that this will increase your chances of being cast. Be you and go into the audition room as yourself. Trust that, if you come prepared, your abilities will shine and the director or choreographer or producer will be able to see what he or she needs to see. Trust that the production team knows what is best for the production, and don’t be so sensitive or blame “theatre politics” if that doesn’t include you this time.

Back in (Concert) Style

Hello out there! I'll jump right in with what's going on...

For about a week and a half now, I've been involved in rehearsals for Lyric Stage of Irving's production of the original 1927 Show Boat in concert style. "What the heck does 'concert style' mean?" you may be asking. Well...I'll tell you.

Basically, what we're doing is having a very large ensemble of singers (who are all incredibly talented, might I add. It's amazing to be in a group of about 60 people or more and efficiently learn a TON of music in about 4 days. And learn it well. No plunking out the alto part 17 times in this group. But, I digress...) onstage at all times, which creates an INCREDIBLE sound. The principle actors are also onstage at all times, and we're all seated. There is staging, yes, but at most times it's only the principles or actors with lines who leave our seated areas (so far....we're still staging). We're not in costumes, there are no big sets (only props and a few pieces here and there....again, so far...), etc. It's very minimalistic, but the message, in my opinion, of the show and the music is even stronger as a result.

I can't even tell you how much I am loving this experience...and I still kind of shake my head and laugh at the surreality of the fact that I'm getting paid to do this. I honestly am in awe of all the people around me and the situation itself. I feel so grateful that I was asked to be a part of this production. I've met a lot of really great people, and I cannot wait to see what the next week and a half brings.

Did I mention it opens a week from today?? Yes, that will have made less than 3 weeks of rehearsal...by FAR the most quick and efficient rehearsal process I have ever been a part of....well, aside from learning the role for Chicago in 3 days, but that was a whole separate issue of course!

I think, right now, I am most looking forward to hearing the 40-piece orchestra that the brilliant Jay Dias is putting together for this production. I may die a little just listening to the overture. After doing a show last year that was performed to "canned" music, I almost feel like God is rewarding me with this. :)

There are only FOUR performances of Show Boat, and I hear they are selling out quickly, so get your tickets soon! http://www.lyricstage.org/2010_showboat.shtml

2009 - Year in Review

This is a little bit late, but here it is anyway. 2009: A Year in Review (and in pictures)!

January -March: COMPANY

Role: Amy

Company: Music Theatre of Denton

March - May: CRAZY FOR YOU

Role: Irene Roth

Company: Music Theatre of Denton

June: DON'T DRESS FOR DINNER

Role: Assistant Stage Manager

Company: Denton Community Theatre

June: ENCORE II: CALLBACKS
Role: Performer
Company: Denton Community Theatre

June - August: SEVEN BRIDES FOR SEVEN BROTHERS
Role: Milly
Company: Denton Community Theatre

Let's not forget Pottygate 2009:

In October, I trashed my wedding dress with my wedding photographer, Lynn Michelle, and we ended up on a nationally televised segment of The Today Show:

Screen shots:

Video on YouTube of segment:

Photo Evidence:

October: CHICAGO
Role: Matron "Mama" Morton
Company: Music Theatre of Denton

October-November: TALKING OF MICHELANGELO
Role: Dayna
Company: Fight Boy Theatre

December: A TUNA CHRISTMAS
Role: Assistant Stage Manager
Company: Denton Community Theatre

December: One for Mahler (a musical cabaret)
Role: Founder and Performer
TWITA (This Week in the Arts) Podcast & Interview Here

I also wrote the following reviews for John Garcia's THE COLUMN:

Oliver! (Theatre Coppell)

The Spitfire Grill (Stage West)

Man of La Mancha (OnStage in Bedford)

My Way: A Musical Tribute to Frank Sinatra (Rover Dramawerks)

Funny Girl (Lyric Stage)

Christmas My Way (Garland Civic Theatre)

A Christmas Survival Guide (Runway Theatre)

I unofficially wrote my thoughts on these shows, as well:

Carousel (Denton Community Theatre)

A Feminine Ending (Water Tower Theatre)

Evil Dead: The Musical (Level Ground Arts)

Crushing Grain (Level Ground Arts)

*****

Whew!! No wonder I was so exhausted at the end of 2009! But what an AMAZING and successful year! Here's to even more fun in 2010! Happy New Year!

Haul out the Holly...

HOLY MOLY has it been a busy couple of weeks since my last post! Thanksgiving came and went, and I just seemed to completely lose track of the blog. I haven't forgotten you, though! Lots to talk about...

First of all, some of you may have read my last post in which I (unoficially) reviewed Level Ground Arts' production of Crushing Grain. It seems that the Higher Powers that Be needed me to see that show and find a catharsis I didn't know I so desperately needed. If you'll recall, the show dealt on one level with the JFK assassination, but was mostly about cancer. A little over a week after I saw this play and just wept from the pure emotion it brought out in me, my brave and wonderful aunt passed away from lung cancer. I feel certain that, had I not seen this play and gotten out a lot of the emotion I had been storing up inside, that weekend would have been much harder for me to handle. So...my family is strong in their faith and has banded together during this holiday time (now missing so many loved ones), but that has been one reason for my lack of blogging.

I've written a couple of reviews for The Column lately as well, which can be found online at PegasusNews.com here and here.

Also -- I have been a busy little Christmas bee working backstage on the HILARIOUSLY funny production of A Tuna Christmas at Denton Community Theatre. The two brilliantly talented men in this show, Justin Harmon and Buster Maloney, are both actors with whom I have had the pleasure to share the stage this year (in Crazy For You and Company, respectively). The show has been selling out, and there is one more weekend of holiday hijinks in Tuna, Texas before it closes. I suggest you try to get your tickets ASAP before you miss it!

Also Also -- Did I mention that I've been cast in Show Boat at Lyric Stage in Irving, Texas?? Yep, remember when I blogged about auditioning for that way back here? Well a few weeks ago, I finally got a call that I've been invited to be part of the cast. It's looking like a stellar cast of people, and I cannot wait to perform this beautiful music next month on that gorgeous stage with a 40-piece orchestra under the baton of Jay Dias!

Finally -- You guys? The FIRST EVER PERFORMANCE of One for Mahler is TOMORROW NIGHT! I am really ridiculously excited about this. We've gotten a lot of unexpected publicity, including an interview on a recent This Week in the Arts podcast! (The interview begins around the 30-minute mark.) The singers are myself, Tyler Donahue, Aaron White, Shane Strawbridge, and Stephanie Felton, and we are accompanied by Aaron Albin on piano. There are 19 SONGS on the program, including favorites such as "For Good" from Wicked, "Always a Bridesmaid" from I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change, "Adolpho" from The Drowsy Chaperone, and MANY MORE.

Please plan to come out to Art Six Coffee House (located at 424 Bryan Street in Denton, TX) tomorrow night (Wednesday, December 16th, 2009) from 9pm—11pm and hear some great tunes & drink some great coffee!

That's it (I think!) for now! Happy Holidays to you all!

Crushing Grain; Living Strong

DISCLAIMER, BLAH BLAH BLAH: This is not an official review, nor was it solicited by any news outlet or anyone associated with the production.

Dallas, Texas is famous for many reasons: its football team (and said team's cheerleaders), killer barbecue, an excellent local music scene...heck, there was even a television show named for it. However, one of the most important events that helped put "Big D" on the map happened 46 years ago this month: the assassination of President John F. Kennedy.

This historic event and the man held responsible for it, Lee Harvey Oswald, have been the subject of conspiracy theories, books written, movies and television shows produced...you name it. It also appears to be the main plot line in the play Crushing Grain, written, directed and produced by Level Ground Arts founder Bill Fountain. The production is currently playing at the Dallas Hub Theatre in Deep Ellum, a mere stone's throw away from the location of the events of that horrible day in 1963.

As the audience seats itself in the Hub's small, intimate black box setting, a man in white pajamas is laying facedown on the stage. This man might be Lee Harvey Oswald, and he might be Alec Hidell. He may be in a psychiatric hospital in Russia or he may be in a movie theatre in Oak Cliff. The doctors, the other patients, all others he encounters...they may be real or they may be all in his head. The audience must watch as Oswald/Hidell struggles to desperately uncover the past (or is it the future?) and answer the questions that those in power are trying to torture out of him — or is he just torturing himself?

But wait. Is this play really about Oswald or the Kennedy assassination at all? Why are the actors suddenly breaking the fourth wall to talk about watching a husband, a father, a brother...dying of cancer? Because the truth is, that's really what this play is about. It is about the suspension of reality by those dealing with cancer in their personal lives, whether directly or indirectly. The monologues are heartbreakingly real. As the granddaughter of a wonderful man lost to cancer and the niece of a brave woman losing to cancer, I found these moments in the play almost unbearable.

In a recent interview with Elaine Liner of Theater Jones, playwright Fountain is quoted as saying, "[the play is] about what was happening to my life as my dad started to slip away from me." The Oswald/Hidell storyline really appears to function as a vehicle through which a cancer patient attempts to make his own stamp on history before leaving this earth. Historical reality becomes obsolete as personal validation and the desperate need to have mattered somehow gives way to surreality.

Admittedly, this may not be as obvious or clear to those lucky enough to have never been affected by the evil "c-word." Perhaps director's notes in the program may have helped those in the audience who came in to see a play about Oswald, lone gunman/conspiracy theories, and the infamous event that put our fair city in the public eye on that fateful day.

Either way, the play is wonderfully written and earnestly performed by a group of dedicated actors led by Nick Jones as Oswald/Hidell. Jones, who eerily resembles Lee Harvey Oswald, carries the show on his fully capable shoulders. He conveys the arrogance of Oswald but his frustration as Hidell is palpable as he desperately claws his way towards the answers his torturers/doctors demand. He borders on shrill at times, which makes his lines a bit difficult to understand, but he never relaxes for one second. It is both thrilling and exhausting to watch.

Ken Long as The General and one of Hidell's "roomates" has an incredible presence onstage, and one can't help but be drawn to him and hang upon his every word. Daylon Walton gets awkward laughs (the good kind) as The Soldier, and Robert G. Shores as The Leader is compelling, even as an "audience member" to the action onstage. The spot-on accent he uses provides an ominous foreshadowing of what will happen to his character, and it's hard not to keep him in the corner of your eye at all times. Fountain himself makes a cameo as The Agent, and provides the stuff of nightmares during the waterboard torture scene.

The rest of the cast is equally talented; there are no weak links. Even actors who never say a word create very strong presences as silent torturers, special agents, et al.

There are only two opportunties left to see this play (December 4th and 5th), so do yourself a favor and reserve your tickets. It's not often enough that original works are performed and heavily publicized, so take this opportunity to witness something that is real and that meant (and still means) something to someone. Seize the chance to be a part of something new being premiered. Support the local playwrights that pour their hearts out and bare their souls to the public in such a way. If nothing else, attend just to see how such a cataclysmic event in our city and our nation's history can be used as the basis for something surreal and outside its usual box. You won't be sorry.

REMAINING SHOW TIMES: Friday, December 4th and Saturday, December 5th at 8pm

PLACE: Dallas Hub Theatre 2809 Canton St. (Deep Ellum) Dallas, TX 75226

COST: $15 - $20 General Seating, doors open half-hour prior to performance

TELEPHONE: 214-749- 7010 or 877-238-5596 for reservations

Christmastime is Here. It is. It is, It is.

Pictured: Justin Harmon (L) and Buster Maloney (R). Photo by Eagleton Photography

Meet Charlene and Bertha Bumiller, mother and daughter residents of Tuna, Texas!

I have the pleasure of working backstage for Denton Community Theatre's upcoming holiday production of A Tuna Christmas with some very good friends and two extremely funny and talented actors (pictured above).

I'll be working backstage as an Assistant Stage Manager and probably more often than not moving Christmas trees and helping one of these men in and out of different shoes, wigs and dresses as they each play 11 different characters.

I attended a rehearsal recently just to familiarize myself with the show and get to know some of the very interesting residents of Tuna, Texas, and boy I tell you what....this show is going to have people in stitches! I laughed so hard I cried more than once.

Don't find yourself in an overheated, downhill wreck because the shows sold out -- Get your tickets now to see this show!

I'll Drink to That

Remember in this post when I talked about how I was brainstorming with friends about how to start up a cabaret for singers in Denton?

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you One for Mahler, the latest and greatest thing to hit the North Texas (or at least Denton) music scene!

Our first performance will be on Wednesday, December 16th from 9pm—11pm at Art Six Coffee House, located at 424 Bryan St. in Denton, Texas.

Here is the awesome lineup of singers, including myself, Stephanie Felton, Tyler Donahue, Shane Strawbridge, and Aaron White!



Come on out and start off your holiday season with a bang!